Perry’s Somerset Cider Redstreak

It’s Perry’s, but it’s not perry. It’s a Redstreak, but it’s not red, nor streaky.
This is Perry’s Redstreak Cider. This 6.1%, Somerset, single variety cider has won the Great Taste Award 2016.

It’s good, with a nice balance and an aromatic something about it. I’m trying to work out what that something is. I think it’s barbecue coal. Maybe some chocolate in there too.

No, I’ve got it – it’s an old waxed jacket. Like licking a Barbour Beaufort, but without the dead pheasant hanging out the pocket. That sounds unpleasant, but don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. I’m inspired by a sudden pastoral vision from the days of yore, when life was simpler and everyone knew their place . . .

I’m not the pheasant plucker
I lick jackets with my tongue
I’m sitting drinking cider
Till I can’t control my bum

It does have a bit of the countryside about it though – a stag beetle on the label. Collector’s Card No 02, but what are the others to collect?

Redstreak is the type of apple, by the way.

Verdict: 4.5/5

Half Moon

It’s a full moon tonight – that means people will be going mental.
I tried taking photos of it, but they didn’t come out well, and then I got cold and hungry. So hungry.
Half Moon should take the edge off. It’s a 4.7% Somerset Cider from the Somerset Cider Company, surprisingly. At the time of typing, their website seems to either be down or missing a security certificate – the telling effects of too much cider.

Half Moon smells like oaky sweet toffee apple. It’s medium sweet, nicely made, but there’s not much more that stands out – no ‘point of difference’, as they say in the business. Or maybe it’s just the full moon sending me into the zone.

I notice more hairs have grown on the back of my hand. Strange.
Half Moon claims to use Redstreak apples for freshness, Dabinett for body and Porter’s Perfection for whatever else. There’s no denying, it’s a good cider, but tonight I have the taste for something like a nice juicy squirrel. Or a plump, lycra-bound jogger’s bum – yes, they won’t hear me coming with their bluetooth headphones on.

My fingernails seem to be growing before my eyes.
And what’s that? My Face!!
Dear Lord! I am!
I’m turning into . .
. . . into a weremk ns;ovlmig’uiio . * .. . ;’]